Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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