I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
