I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
