really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
only you would photoshop your dick
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
