Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well you can't waste a boner
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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