Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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