the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
