just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
