I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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