Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
