His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
