Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
