Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
