I just pynch a tree in the face
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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