I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
