I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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