and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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