My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
