I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
