i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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