you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
