when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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