I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
