this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Im part way to drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
