She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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