butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
