i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
