Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.

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  (630): she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers. http://tfl.nu/u7sr
  Replies (9) Good night (1028) Bad night (5325)
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  (831): View more from California

  I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

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  (831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q
  Replies (29) Good night (5785) Bad night (1095)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

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  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (7313) Bad night (1151)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.

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  (+44): When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/m7vb
  Replies (16) Good night (4363) Bad night (1264)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.

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  (917): Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you. http://tfl.nu/j1py
  Replies (6) Good night (3585) Bad night (1039)
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  (530): View more from California

  for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.

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  (530): for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/et1w
  Replies (16) Good night (3746) Bad night (1100)
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  (408): View more from California

  A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.

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  (408): A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe. http://tfl.nu/7qkp
  Replies (6) Good night (1913) Bad night (1076)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.

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  (740): Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/wkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (1054) Bad night (2144)
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  (646): View more from New York

  This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

  (347): View more from New York

  It's not

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  (646): This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie (347): It's not http://tfl.nu/v5wf
  Replies (4) Good night (2228) Bad night (769)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.

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  (909): I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today. http://tfl.nu/n0ax
  Replies (4) Good night (1263) Bad night (557)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
  Replies (4) Good night (922) Bad night (410)
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  (310): View more from California

  How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.

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  (310): How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks. http://tfl.nu/m7ju
  Replies (3) Good night (1154) Bad night (380)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.

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  (570): You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it. http://tfl.nu/ka5y
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (358)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER

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  (651): YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER http://tfl.nu/3hsg
  Replies (2) Good night (596) Bad night (310)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.

  (305): View more from Florida

  They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.

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  (305): Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out. (407): Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates. (305): They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize. http://tfl.nu/akvq
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (482)

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