I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
porn star boner night. come get it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The Olympian is in my bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.