i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
did i walk over a car last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.