Already got asked if we're dating
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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