maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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