listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
