lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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