Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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