My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
