btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A+ Viking dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
