a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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