so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
