dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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