Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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