hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
