they need to just BURY HIM!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
