The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
