Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
