Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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