I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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