very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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