pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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