dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
