I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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