I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
