There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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