Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The Olympian is in my bed
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