I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
