Can i not drive my cunt home
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
