I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
