Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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