No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
