i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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