he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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