Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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