You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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