Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
PANTIES FOUND
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