I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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