So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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