whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
