Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
