He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
