i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
