I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
