I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
