yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
