Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
