walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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