I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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